


Ontology

by Eternal



Category: Pandora Hearts, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 20:52:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternal/pseuds/Eternal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil received word about cliffs falling onto a certain red haired Duke and discusses toy rabbits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ontology

And now a special message from one of our listeners to her favourite person. ‘Hey Rufus’, the message reads, as dictated by a frantic intern, who is waving a hand and pointing at a part of the page in front of me, 'I am a real big fan of yours and hope that you survive all future cliff related incidents intact. You probably shouldn't worry too much about your fall from the cliff which was actually the same cliff which fell onto you earlier. Or was it the other way round? I get easily confused. Anyway, I hope that you were born without pain receptors, because while that fall sounded really painful, there is a lot of pain for you in the future and not all of it will be your pride being bruised.’ See folks? It is possible for celebrities outside of our small desert town, to be recognised for the suffering they have endured, rather than any personal qualities that they may have had. I am sure that we all recognise that whoever that person is and wherever this person may be, we recognise a kindred spirit who is so desensitised to emotional and physical trauma that they wander around their equally small town asking questions like, ‘What is the meaning of life?’ and ‘I really want to watch that episode of Friends, but I’m not sure if I should watch if after or before The Big Bang Theory season one.’

I have also received news regarding the fate of a person condemned to die for the sin of existing. If you aren’t already aware, existing is a pretty big deal. I mean, you are entitled to government benefits like the medical care levy, a home loan you can never pay off and Electro Convulsive Shock Therapy whenever you feel like it. Anyway, hooded figures approached this kid and tried to cast him into a place which is sort of like hell, but nicer. Sort of like the place you’d visit on a holiday, if you wanted to go to a place which has never before been touched by the light of the sun and if you wanted to visit monsters in their natural habitat, instead of the monsters being safe behind ten foot tall steel bars. This place is named the Abyss and if you know what I mean, a lot of people have visited it, but no one has ever returned. At least, they have never returned as anything vaguely resembling a human.

In any case, the boy was apparently described as a toy rabbit in a human body. But if you think about it closely, it doesn’t really make sense because there is no way a toy rabbit could fit in a human body since they are enormous, wield dangerous weapons like a scythe and have razor fangs and glowing red eyes. In addition, toy rabbits are no longer sold in stores, as they can kill you and your family if they follow you home from a toy shop and we have had several unfortunate massacres.

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End file.
